here's a semi-blog i didn't blog: unchanged melody 091502... of the many times one can cherish a moment, something bad seems to surface... today i saw myself for what i was... unchanged, filled with mire, vile-blooded, wretch... my value in my eyes seemed of lesser, lower degree... but yet i was able to face God, or rather God was still able to look at me... shame... a stirring chant that runs in my head... a dangerous place where i sometimes felt like visiting... i'm in a dark place... a lonely place... a solitary retreat... an exile of infinite significance... a self-inflicted slap-in-the-face... and more mercy came... today, tomorrow, till the end of this world... a fine line stands before me, a fine line between depression and self-denial... it would tear me apart to not acknowledge it, and to refuse to see who i was would be a death sentence... yet i die each time i have to face myself... i am not aware of my demise until i am mourned... because i am such a wretch(!) which God's amazing grace has saved... does my soul tarry in deeper reflection, and is my mind weary from pushing my luck?... i feel i should cry...