hello my net peepol... i'm back... *sigh* my tired body and my exhausted mind had to be together today... it felt like a long week... work was, as usual, a drain... plus i've been going through the motions with my emotions... maybe i'm nearing menopause before i turn 30... (i act like a child at my actual age)... if you remember how a week ago or so i was already depressed, the kick-in-the-butt-pain-in-the-behind symptoms are resurfacing... could it be that i am still my same self? no transformation? no growth? it's like i play head games with my brain, and my mind doesn't know it... but the SOURCE of all healing and clarity came to my rescue... my Jesus still spoke in my heart despite the loud noise of pain i hear at night in my sleep... i went to visit Him today in church... and i poured out my disbeliefs, my doubts, and my cynicism... and He just told me that He still believes in me, and loves me... not in a mushy way, but in a as-a-matter-of-fact way... which felt so refreshing inside... i found myself drawn to Him because was in pain... i was in need of assurance, a hand to hold... which He also pointed out as important... "Can you see the Hand that was crucified was also the hand that worked hard, paid taxes, caught fish, broke bread, and healed so many?" ...and yes, i do see His mighty Hand with me, constantly... yet when adversity occurs in my life, it all seems just a daily so-called existence... LIES! and i so believe them in my weakness... "Keep me away from evil... And be with me."